SWNOVELS Break My Heart: Chapter 18
Unknown number:
We’ve been through way too much for you to ignore me like this.
Iglance down at my phone, my stomach twisting into knots at the latest message. Another one from a new number. No matter what I do, he continues to find ways to get to me.
The words blur on the screen, sharp with hostility.
The demanding tone in the message is unmistakable, and the implication makes me sick. His texts used to be sporadic, popping up here and there. Now, they come daily, each one more aggressive than the last.
Angrier.
Like I owe him something.
Unsure what to do, I squeeze my eyes tightly shut until my cell chimes with another one.
It’s like I’m being bombarded.
Beaten down.
Unknown number:
I won’t fucking stand for it.
As I stare at the new message, I realize my hands are trembling.
My belly pinches at the thought of bringing this up to my parents. But what other choice is there?
I can just imagine Dad’s reaction.
He’s going to lose it.
And Mom will get upset all over again and blame herself for allowing us to get so close. For not seeing what was happening beneath her nose. I hate the guilt she carries regarding the situation.
They’ll threaten to pick up and move again, and I don’t want that to happen.
Not now.
Dad loves his new coaching position, and I’ve finally made some good friends. Real ones. I don’t want to lose that and start all over again.
I shove my phone into my jacket pocket, hoping it’s possible to block out the creeping sense of dread. But the feeling of being hunted continues to linger.
“Ava!”
I blink out of those thoughts before lifting my hand in a wave. For a split second, the tension in my chest loosens.
“Hey, Britt!” It takes effort to force a smile to my face.
She loops her arm through mine as we walk toward the Union, weaving through the dinner crowd. Britt has become my best friend, the one person I can actually be myself around. She gets it—being thrown into the public eye at a young age, her rise to fame, and now her need for something real. Britt left LA to escape the spotlight, and even though I wasn’t a celebrity or household name like her, I understand that craving for a fresh start, for normalcy.
She scrutinizes my face for a long moment. “Is everything okay?”
I glance at her and then away. “Yeah, just tired.”
It’s not a total lie, but it’s nowhere near the full truth. A prick of guilt hits me. I hate lying to her, but I’m not ready to reveal what’s been going on.
“Well, you’ve been juggling classes, skating, and everything else. But don’t forget to take care of yourself too.”
I nod, appreciating her concern, even though I know it’s more than that.
After ordering sandwiches, we scan the space, looking for the rest of the group we’re meeting. As soon as Carina pops up and waves, we navigate through the crowd until we reach a long stretch of table where we settle in.
“I’m so glad you could make it!” Juliette says before digging into her salad. She found out last week that she was accepted into med school. That girl is always at the library studying her ass off.
Well, when she’s not spending time with her hunky boyfriend, Ryder McAdams.
Fallyn’s sparkly engagement ring catches the light and nearly blinds me. It’s a gorgeous ring. Wolf did an amazing job picking it out.
Her attention gets snagged by it for a second or two. “Sometimes I still can’t believe I’m married.” She flashes a smile at Britt. “You too.”
Britt glances at the blingy rock on her own finger. “It’s gone by so quickly.”
The conversations that buzz around me are all normal—comforting in a way—but I can’t help feeling out of place.
“What about you?” Britt asks, nudging me playfully.
I almost choke on my water as an image of Hayes flashes in my brain along with the way he made me feel and how I stupidly opened up to him at the arena. That vulnerability I showed him now feels like a mistake. I haven’t heard from him since, and it stings more than I care to admit.
“Are there any prospects on the horizon?” Viola asks. She and Fallyn are cousins and live together off campus.
I shake my head, forcing a casual smile. “Nope, I’m just focused on school.”
I never should have entrusted Hayes Van Doren with my secrets.
What if he tells his friends, and it spreads like wildfire across campus? That thought is enough to have nausea stirring in the pit of my belly.
“It wouldn’t be a hockey player even if you did,” Stella adds.
Juliette nods. “Your dad would probably lose it.”
I can’t help but grimace.
That’s not a scenario I want to imagine playing out.
“He definitely wouldn’t be thrilled about it.” Even though my parents want me to move on from the past and get involved with a nice boy and have a normal relationship, there’s no way they’d want me to date one of his players.
As tempting as it is to share all that with my new friends, I keep the truth locked up tight where it can’t see the light of day. When it comes down to it, I’m afraid of the judgment I’ll find in their eyes.
If only it were possible to blot out the last three years and pretend it never happened. I’d give anything to be the naïve girl I’d once been.
When my phone buzzes in my pocket again, the muscles in my belly contract until it becomes painful. My appetite vanishes as I shove my sandwich to the side.
If this keeps up, I’ll lose another five pounds. Mom commented on my weight loss the other day and asked if everything was all right. The concern in her dark eyes was obvious, and it brought me right back to the past.
To the secrets I’d kept from them.
The loneliness that had eaten away at me.
The sense of being trapped.
For a second or two, I considered coming clean but decided against it.
This situation is different than the one before.
It’s nothing more than texting.
If I refuse to engage, he’ll eventually get bored and go away.
Right?
That’s the hope I’m currently clinging to.
“Hey, babe.”
I blink back to the present and find Colby McNichols locking lips with Britt. There’s a besotted expression on her face that matches his when they break apart.
“Jeez,” Bridger grumbles. “Always with the PDA.”
Colby grins, throwing an arm around his wife. “You jealous, bro? Want a hug? I’ve got enough love to go around.”
“Nah, I’m good.” Bridger chuckles while shaking his head as the group dissolves into laughter.
Colby gives me a chin lift in greeting when our gazes collide, and I scoot over so he can settle next to Britt.
“Thanks, Philips. Appreciate it.”
“No problem.”
Most of the guys from the team are friendly toward me but nothing more. It makes me wonder if Dad fired off warning shots at the beginning of the season.
“Is it all right if we crash your dinner?” Ryder asks before squeezing in next to Juliette. I have to admit they’re perfect for one another.
A few more of their teammates stop by with trays loaded with food.
Our group continues to swell as Ford, Wolf, Madden, Riggs, and Steele crowd around the table, pulling chairs up, and the babble of voices escalates. I can’t help but look at each face. Over the past semester, they’ve all become my friends.
I try to relax and enjoy the moment, but then I feel it again. A prickling sensation that makes me wonder if I’m being watched. As soon as I glance up, our gazes collide.
Hayes.
My breath catches. After a few days of absence, I’m hungry for the sight of him. Even though he’s standing with a few teammates, his attention is focused on me. I can’t read his expression, and part of me doesn’t want to. It’s been days since we talked, and not hearing from him after everything I confessed hurts.
I can’t do this.
Not with everything else going on in my life.
Decision made, I push back from the table. “I need to get going.”
Britt frowns. “What? I thought we were going to hang out after this.”
Heat floods my cheeks as people turn and stare. “Sorry, I’ve got some stuff to take care of. I’ll text you later, and we can figure out another time to get together. Promise.”
“You better.”
I force a small smile and grab my bag before weaving through the crowded building. My heart slams in my chest with the need to distance myself from Hayes.
From the awkwardness and the rejection.
As soon as I push through the doors and step into the crisp evening air, a mixture of relief and sadness pumps through me.
“Ava, wait.”
I freeze as my pulse thrums in my ears. There’s no point pretending I didn’t hear him. With a sigh, I turn and find Hayes standing in front of me, his expression soft but unreadable.
“What do you want?” My voice comes out sounding sharper than intended. But I can’t help it. I’m hurt, and the last thing I want to do is show it.
“Can we talk?”
I cross my arms, as if it’s possible to guard myself from further pain. “What’s there to talk about? We hung out twice. That’s all it was.”
His jaw tightens, and for a second, I think he’s going to back off. Instead, he steps closer, his gaze locked on mine. “And here I’d thought it was more than that. Was I wrong?”
My mouth goes dry as my tongue darts out to moisten my lips. Refusing to answer his question, I fire off one of my own. “Why are you doing this?”
His brows furrow. “Doing what?”
I shift, impatient to get moving and away from him. Allowing him to get close was a mistake, and I’ve learned my lesson. I was an idiot for thinking he was anything more than a player.
“Acting like there’s something between us.”
“Because there is, and I want to spend more time together and see where it goes.” When he steps closer, bridging the distance between us, it becomes necessary to tilt my chin upward. “Is that something we can do?”
Air escapes from my lungs like a tire with a slow leak.
It’s a terrible idea.
Nothing good will come from spending more time with Hayes.
“I don’t know,” I mumble.
“What don’t you know?”
I force my gaze from his, hoping it’s enough to break the spell he’s woven around me. I don’t know how he does it. Every time we’re together, all rational thought flies out the window.
A few people walking by stare in our direction with interest. It’s just another reminder that this is Hayes Van Doren I’m dealing with.
“Why we’re bothering to do this,” I mutter as my cheeks heat.
He hikes a brow. “You don’t?”
With my lips pressed together, I shake my head. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more confused or conflicted in my life. But there’s something else buried beneath those emotions. Something I’d rather not inspect too closely. I’m afraid of what I’ll find if I do.
It’s a surprise when his fingers slip beneath my chin, and he turns it until I have no other choice but to meet the steadiness of his gaze.
“I like you, Tink. Maybe I haven’t done a good job of showing it, but I do.”
“Is that the reason you’ve been avoiding me?” The question shoots out of my mouth before I can reel it back in. The last thing I want is for him to think I care.
It’s painful to admit that I just might.
There’s a moment of silence, as if he’s mulling over the question.
“That’s not what I was doing,” he says, his tone turning serious. “I just… I needed time to think.”
“About what?” I demand, my frustration bubbling to the surface. “About what I told you? Did that scare you off?”
His eyes soften. “No. It didn’t scare me. But it did make me think. I don’t want to hurt you. Not after everything you’ve been through.”
There’s something in the way he says it that makes me pause. It’s like he’s genuinely afraid of screwing this up and causing me pain.
For some reason, that hits me harder than anything else, and my anger drains away. “So, what now?”
He exhales slowly, like he’s been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. “I want to move forward. But I want to be careful. I want to do this right.”
I stare at him, my heart racing. “You want to keep seeing me?”
The smile he flashes makes my stomach flip. “Yeah, I do. If you’ll let me.”
It’s crazy.
The last thing I should do is let myself fall for this guy. But standing here, looking at him, I realize it’s a risk I’m willing to take.
“Okay.”
A grin spreads across his face as he reaches for my hand and threads his fingers through mine. “Are you free for the rest of the night? I want you to come with me.”
“Yeah. Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”
“It’s a surprise,” he says, leading me down the path, his thumb brushing against my hand. “Do you trust me?”
I hesitate for a moment and search his face. It’s almost a shock when I admit what’s in my heart.
“Yeah, I do.”