SWNOVELS Break My Heart: Chapter 22
My hands twist together in my lap as we drive back to my apartment. I can’t stop thinking about how good it felt to be stretched out on top of Hayes. Everything about him is hard and sculpted. Especially the thickness of his erection. It had been perfectly nestled against the V between my legs. Even thinking about the way I’d ground against him has arousal pooling in my core like warmed honey. Unable to help myself, I squirm on the seat before clenching my thighs to stymie the need that rushes through me, turning me on all over again.
It’s been such a long time since I felt this kind of all-encompassing desire.
Nathan isn’t the only man I slept with. There were a few others after him. Guys who did nothing to turn me on or give me what I needed. One of them actually made me feel bad about what I like in the bedroom.
That thought is like a punch to the gut.
Will Hayes react the same way?
It’s a scary thought.
One that I shove away, not wanting to dwell on it.
I chance another peek at Hayes from beneath the thick fringe of my lashes, unable to believe I’m sitting beside him in his truck. That a relationship, if that’s what this actually is, has sprung up between us out of nowhere.
If you’d told me a few months ago, even a few weeks ago, that I’d want Hayes Van Doren to kiss me, I would have laughed my ass off and told you to lay off the drugs.
And yet, I can’t deny the truth of what’s unfolding.
I force the air wedged in my lungs from my body.
I have no idea if a relationship can even work between us.
We’re so different.
And then there’s my father to consider.
I wince thinking about what would have happened if he’d caught us in such a compromising situation. The man would have definitely stroked out.
When I continue staring at Hayes, lost in the turmoil of my thoughts, he flicks a concerned look my way.
“Tell me what you’re thinking.”
The deep scrape of his voice reverberates throughout my body, echoing in every cell of my being, and it brings me right back to what it felt like to be pressed against him.
I clear my throat and force myself to admit the truth. “I’m wondering what would have happened if we’d kept going.”
Fire ignites in his green eyes as his voice turns husky. “I would have made a real fucking mess in my boxers.”
With a nod, my heart rate picks up tempo. His honesty forces me to reveal my own. “It was the same for me. It’s been a long time since I’ve been so turned on. I almost forgot what it feels like.”
The atmosphere in the truck turns charged as my admission hangs heavy in the air. A few seconds later, he turns into the parking lot of my building and pulls into a space before cutting the engine. It would be impossible not to notice the way his hands shake.
I’m not the only one who’s been affected by what happened.
It’s almost a shock when I blurt, “I want to feel more of that.”
He shifts until our gazes collide. The longer he studies my face, the more heat scalds my cheeks as uncertainty slams into me full force.
Did I make a mistake in allowing myself to be vulnerable with this guy?
Just as I consider bolting from the vehicle, he asks, “More of what? Tell me what you need, Tink.”
It’s so tempting to shy away from this embarrassing conversation. Instead, I force myself to be honest. At least a little bit. “I want you to kiss and touch me like you did at the rink. I want to see if I can…” My voice trails off as I swallow down another burst of nerves.
“Come? You want to see if I can make you come?”
“Yes.”
He reaches out to stroke my lower lip with the pad of his thumb. “Has that been a problem for you?”
Humiliation crawls up my neck as I glance away.
“We’re not going to do anything else if you can’t hold my gaze while having this conversation.”
My cheeks feel like they’re on fire as I force myself to turn back to him. I’ve never admitted this to anyone. Not even my therapist.
“Yes, it’s been a problem since my world imploded.”
I stare into his eyes as he continues to caress my face. His gentle touch is enough to settle everything that rampages dangerously inside me.
“I want to give you what you need. Trust me, I do. But I also want you to be sure about what you’re asking for.”
A pent-up breath rushes from me as relief courses through my veins.
“I don’t need to think anything over. That’s what I want.” There’s a beat of silence before I confess, “I’m tired of feeling damaged.”
His brow pinches, and his lips flatten in a tight line. I blink, surprised to find anger brewing in his green depths.
“The last thing you are is damaged. Not by a long shot. And you know what I’m going to do?”
I shake my head.
“Prove it to you.”
Hope cautiously rises within me.
More than anything, I want to believe him.
But how can I when the person I trusted most in this world broke his word?
It’s only with the passing of time that I understand how Nathan manipulated me, wielding the love and respect I felt for him against me.
It took months of intense therapy before I came to that devastating conclusion.
The idea of opening myself up enough to trust someone else again isn’t an easy one.
With shaking fingers, I pop open the door, wanting him to follow through on his promise. I live alone and have the entire apartment to myself. We can take care of business. Maybe a few times and then… who knows?
Or… he’ll take a peek inside my head and change his mind about this budding relationship.
Anything’s possible. I want to temper my expectations.
As I slide from the seat, I throw a glance at Hayes, who hasn’t moved a muscle.
“Are you coming up?”
His attention stays pinned to me as he shakes his head. “Can’t. I have class in twenty.”
Well, damn.
All the anticipation, excitement, and the little bit of fear swirling around inside me nose dives before erupting into flames.
I blink, thrown off by his response. “You do?”
The disappointment that floods my system is palpable.
“Yeah, and I can’t afford to miss.”
I chew my lower lip and throw out the offer before I can think better of it. “Tonight, then?”
Warmth enters his eyes as his lips quirk at the corners. “Count on it, Tink.”
I release a shaky breath with a nod. “Okay. Guess I’ll see you then.”
As soon as I slam the door closed, he backs out of the space and takes off from the parking lot.
I stare at the back end of the beat-up truck and wonder what I’ve gotten myself into.
But the excitement he was able to rouse within me…
A shiver slides through me before settling deep in my core.
And that right there is the reason I need to explore this.