SWNOVELS Break My Heart: Chapter 29
I have no idea where all the pent-up emotions come from. One minute, I’m enjoying the afterglow of the best sex I’ve ever experienced, and the next, I’m bawling.
Hayes’s reaction is almost comical.
His eyes widen to the point of looking like they might fall out of his head before he pulls out of my body, then wraps the condom in tissue and throws it in the trash can near his desk.
Only then does he haul me into his arms.
“Tell me what I did, and I swear I’ll never do it again.” He rains soft kisses against the crown of my head. “Jeez, Ava. Tell me. Your tears are fucking killing me.”
Even though I’m overflowing with emotion, I’m not sure how to put any of it into words. At least not ones that will make sense.
It continues to come out in a torrent of sobs.
“I-I’m sorry,” I say when I’m finally able to speak.
“Baby, you don’t have anything to be sorry about. I just want you to tell me what I did to cause this kind of reaction.”
“You didn’t do anything.” I pause and rethink that statement. “Actually, you did everything.”
“Fuck,” he groans. “I knew it.”
I chuckle weakly. “That’s not what I meant.”
Most guys would be jumping out of bed and gathering up their clothing to escape the awkwardness of this situation—especially being the first time we slept together. It would be the last time I saw them before they ghosted me.
What they wouldn’t do is attempt to get to the bottom of what’s going on.
At every turn, Hayes manages to surprise me.
“Ava, please. Would you just spit it out? I’m dying over here.”
I draw in an unsteady breath, holding it captive in my lungs before gradually releasing it back into the atmosphere. It’s important to take the time to gather my thoughts in order to explain them properly.
This man, above everyone, deserves the truth.
“Nathan was my first relationship—”
“It wasn’t a relationship,” he interrupts with a frown. “It was an abuse of power.”
Everything inside me wilts. “I know.”
It’s taken a long time for me to come to terms with that knowledge. For whatever reason, it was easier to accept that I was eighteen years old and made the choice to get involved with my coach as a mature adult. I didn’t want to believe that someone I loved and trusted took advantage of and manipulated me into doing something I didn’t want.
It’s a bitter pill to swallow.
“Whatever you want to call it, he was the only one I’d been with long term. There were a few guys after…” My voice trails off as I jerk my shoulders. “They made me feel bad for wanting certain things. And I began to wonder if I was normal. Especially when I couldn’t get off from just regular sex.”
His mouth drifts across my forehead. “You know that’s not true. No one should have made you feel that way because you’re more adventurous in the bedroom. I fucking love it.”
My lips lift into a slight smile as I meet his earnest gaze. “I get that now.”
He tugs me closer, wrapping me up in his arms. They have the rare ability to make me feel protected and safe. “I like every damn thing about you.”
That admittance is all it takes for the tension swirling through my body to dissipate, leaving behind something I’ve spent the last year searching for.
Contentment.
We fall into a comfortable silence as my fingertips drift across his chest before I still. “So… are you going to tell me about what I walked in on earlier?”
When he releases a deep breath, I wonder if he’ll bother with a response.
It would be a major disappointment considering I just experienced the best sex of my life and spilled my guts to this guy.
Honestly, if that happens, then I need to seriously rethink—
“Remember when you asked me about my job, and I said it was something online?”
My eyes widen as I jerk upright before swiveling to face him. “You get paid to jerk off online?”
Humor simmers in his green eyes. “If you want to bottom line it like that, then sure, I get paid to jerk off online. Although, I prefer to think about it as empowering people to live out their sexual fantasies.”
My head spins with this revelation.
Some of the humor falls away from his expression as he searches my eyes. “Does it change what you think of me?”
My brows shoot up before I slowly shake my head. “Of course not. Why would it?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s not exactly something to be proud of.”
“The fact that you’re a full-time college student and a Division I athlete who’s doing everything he can to take care of his family is admirable.” I can’t help but flash a grin as I tuck a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “Now that I’ve seen the goods up close and personal, I’m sure women are throwing a ton of money your way.”
“Not to brag, but there are a few men as well.”
A gurgle of laughter bursts from me. “That doesn’t surprise me.” There’s a pause. “Does your mom know?”
His eyes widen as horror flashes across his face. “Hell no! She wouldn’t accept a single dime if she even suspected where the money came from. She’d go out and get a second job just to make ends meet. Then the kids would never see her, and they’d have to raise themselves. That’s the last thing my dad would have wanted.” He shakes his head. “Next year, all of this will be a distant memory. I’ll sign my contract with Nashville, and my family will have everything they need. More than what they need. Mom won’t have to work her fingers to the bone, and everything will finally be good again.”
My heart constricts at the earnestness in his voice.
That’s all it takes for the last of the walls I’ve built around myself to tumble. It’s also the moment I realize how hard I’ve fallen for him.
My fingers drift across his cheek before tracing his soft lips. His gaze stays locked on mine as he kisses them.
“You’re a good man, Hayes Van Doren.”
“Shhh. Don’t tell anyone.”
The corners of my lips hitch as I snort. “Don’t worry. No one would believe me even if I did.”