Denying The Alpha

Faith's point of view

After sleeping away most of the day, I'm feeling a whole lot better. When I stand, my muscles don't ache at all anymore, and I feel physical like I'm on cloud nine. I feel brand new.

I fling back the block out curtains letting the moonlight shine through. I'm just standing in the window staring out at the Stary night sky in awe. The greyish crescent moon reminds me of a cut toenail. My mom laughed at me when I told her this once, but I couldn't help it. That's just what it looks like to me, like a perfectly trimmed toenail. 'Sapphire, are you there?' I try reaching out to my wolf. It still feels weird to me, but I like it.

'It's absolutely breathtaking, don't you think?' She whispers in my mind.

I agree with her completely, of course. All wolves loved the moon, no matter the stage. It was the symbol of our beloved moon goddess, a reminder of how much she loved us. It was truly a special feeling to be able to share this moment with my wolf. 'Would you like to go and howl at the moon with me?' With my body feeling back to normal, shifting should be a breeze. The first shift was always horrible on a new wolf as our bones hadn't broken and reset yet. Still, once we got that first shift out of the way and our body had made all its necessary changes, it was as natural as breathing for us, something I was genuinely thankful for. I never wanted to experience pain like that ever again.

'Yes. Can we? Let's shift right now. I want to run.' I can feel her excitement and desire as if it were my own. In my mind's eye, I could just picture her wagging her tail so fast she could fly, tongue hanging at the side, floppy eared and excited. It made me giggle a little. 'Let's go then. Poor Sapphire has spent the last 18 years living in a cage in my mind. It was finally time for us to set her free.

I slipped on an old loose faded t-shirt and loose, frayed denim shorts that I didn't wear anymore, I would obviously take my clothes off before I shifted and hide them, but I felt better wearing these old rags in case I messed up and shifted early or something, plus I didn't fancy staining my new clothes by leaving them on the soggy forest floor, new clothes were expensive, and I didn't have an abundance of money to waste.

I slipped on my pink flip flops and ran from the packhouse. I don't particularly care who can see me or who judges me for looking like a little kid on Christmas. I am genuinely thrilled to see my wolf sapphire for the first time.

I bound down the stairs and through the mudroom, I don't pause to close up behind me, and the door slams hard, oops. I sprint towards the tree line. Strangely, I can't see anyone else out here. It must be very late. There was almost always wolves coming to and from the area. It doesn't matter.

I stop at the edge of the first to shed my clothes once I'm well hidden behind a large oak tree. Just because no one else is out, it doesn't mean I want to risk being caught in all my naked glory.

I kick my flips flop off, and then I just kind of stand there stark naked, feeling a just tad bit overwhelmed. Did anyone else ever experience this, or was it just me?

'Uhm, sapphire? How to do I? You know, how I uhm shift?' I mumble and stutter as I'm embarrassed that I even have to ask. I realise how foolish I must sound, but the shift was forced last night. I didn't know how to demand it of myself yet. Maybe if I had accepted more help from my parents when they had offered, I would have been stubborn and believed that I would be natural and therefore didn't need help, but obviously, I was wrong. I mean, I'm doing a shocking job at being a werewolf so far. No wonder Declan didn't think I'd make a very good Luna. I couldn't even shift without asking my wolf for help. Then again, he had no clue that I'd experienced this. How could he have known when even I didn't realise until now? He was a stupid jerk, and I needed to forget about him. I pushed all thoughts of that good for nothing alpha from my mind and simply focused on my wolf. She would know what to do.

'Let me take over'

'Yeah, okay, I don't know how to do that either.

Uhmmmm. I hope she doesn't think I'm stupid.

'I promise you, Faith, that I do not think that you are stupid. It's your first time. Just relax, and think of me. I need you to think about giving the control over to me, like you are passing me the remote. If you can lower your mental walls low enough, I'll be able to come forth and take over once I have completed the shift. I swear to you that I'll hand the control straight back over to you until it's time to shift back!

Well, that sounds easy enough.

It was over before I realised it had begun. Suddenly my hands and feet were paws, and my whole body was covered in rich, thick fur. I couldn't believe it. I was in a completely different body. How did this still feel so natural? 'Run, faith!' Sapphire commands me, and I do just that.

I have never felt so free in my entire life. This feeling of power is indescribable. It was insurmountable even. I have never felt so alive.

I can see every insignificant detail with ten times the clarity that my human eyes could ever give me. I could see white flecks in the dew drops, the minuscule footprints of various kinds of bugs in the damp floor, the microscopic little holes in rocks, the splinters in the bark as I whizzed by, the world was so beautiful, how could I have missed all this? It was like I had been walking through life with my eyes closed.

I could smell everything. Not all of it was pleasant, animal poo, tiny bits of decaying flesh, and rotten food, but I could also smell the flowers, the trees, and even the dirt, which had an amazing earthly scent. I could even smell the lingering scent of rain.

I could feel the wind dance through my fur as I ran, the groundbreaking beneath my paws, the dirt working its way under my claws. Why did we ever shift back? Why did we ever stop running? I may tire physically, but I would never have had enough of this. I would never want to stop running. Being human could never feel this good.

I yipped excitedly as I pranced over large rocks and fallen logs with the utmost ease, damp leaves tried to stick to me, but I didn't care. They fall as I run anyway.

Sapphire was extraordinarily agile, and I loved to let her play. Her joy and mine were the same.

It wasn't intentional, but eventually, we were back at the same spot that we shifted for the first time last night, only this time I wasn't feeling so weak. I urged myself forward to the edge of the water. I would finally see her reflection.

'Oh my.' I gasp. 'Sapphire, you are so incredibly beautiful. Talk about living up to one's name, you the literal colour sapphire. I can't believe it. I have honestly never seen anyone like you, girl.'

I can feel how proud of herself she is. I have never seen such a deep blue wolf before. I have never seen any blue wolves. She is the most magnificent thing I have ever seen. I can't believe that she is all mine. I couldn't wait to show her off to my parents. They would love her.

I stared at her in the water a bit longer as her yellow eyes looked back at me. She was worth the wait.

'Your pretty incredible yourself faith, believe that!

If I were in my human form, I would shed a tear. She had no idea how much that meant to me. She didn't have her mate because he couldn't stand me, and she loved me regardless.

I sat behind my behind on handed over complete control to Sapphire. I could still hear, see and feel everything that she could, I knew I could push forward any time, but I didn't feel the need to. I was happy just to relax in the back of my mind while she howled at the moon, and for hours that's all she did.