Variation: A Novel

TigerPrideTendu: Incredible technique. They should have put You in as understudy, or just given you the role to start with.

June rolled into July, and I settled into what I’d called my Haven Cove routine, rehearsing all day, teaching Juniper in the evenings, and keeping at least ten feet away from Hudson at all times.

Especially right now, since he was working out shirtless in our pool as Juniper moved through a new routine in the studio. Thank God the only windows that looked into the backyard were at the end of the room—the gym, and not up here, where I needed to concentrate.

He hadn’t brought up our night in New York, probably because we hadn’t had a reason to be alone, nor had we faked it, since there were no family events for Caroline to pick at me. Then again, no family events meant I hadn’t had a chance to win Caroline over yet either. We were getting further and further into this charade, and all I’d done was get way too attached to a little girl I had no right to. At least three times a week, Hudson brought Juniper by the house after work, then swam until it was time for her to head home.

I glanced at the clock. In a few minutes, he’d get out of the pool, walk up the porch, and head into the downstairs bathroom, where he’d get changed into dry clothes. Which meant I could stop fighting the impulse to run a sporadic mile on the treadmill just for an excuse to stare. Not like I needed a reminder of what he looked like; I saw him hovering over me, gloriously shirtless, every time I closed my eyes.

I couldn’t go there again, not with him wanting this to be real, but in a way, it already . . . was. Without a reason to put on a show, we were simply ourselves, and while I wasn’t exactly letting him, I wasn’t cold-shouldering him.

Juniper finished the routine with a flourish, and I hit pause on the remote in my hand, killing the classical music.

Her smile fell and her shoulders dipped. “I did it better earlier.”

“Earlier you weren’t as tired, and I think you did great.”

“You always say that,” she muttered, picking at her skirt.

“No, this afternoon I said your turnout was lazy.” I walked to the closet beside the studio doors and tucked the remote away next to the stereo. “When I give you a compliment, I mean it.”

We moved through a stretching session for cooldown.

“Are you excited to come camping this week?” she asked as we moved into our legs.

“I don’t know enough about the trip to call it excited.” I couldn’t afford to take the days off training for the trip, not with Charlotte breathing down my back and scheming to take my role, but I couldn’t lose an opportunity to spend time with Caroline either. Three days of being examined by Hudson’s sister only to be found wanting wasn’t exactly my idea of fun, but it was our last scheduled chunk of time together, so I needed to make what progress I could before this whole thing blew up in our faces.

“It’s the best.” Juniper grinned, leaning into another stretch. “We rent these little cabins right by the lake. They’re not fancy, no electricity or anything, just a couple twin-sized beds with kinda lumpy mattresses.” Her nose crinkled. “The center one is the best because it’s closest to the outhouse, for—you know—”

“Gotcha.” I moved into position to work my hip flexors. “Lumpy mattresses, twin beds, outhouse.”

“Grandma and Grandpa push their beds together. Mom and Dad used to do that too.” Her voice trailed off. “I used to sleep with my cousins in cabin four, with the bunk beds, but after Dad died, Mom got nervous about me being so far away—the lake and all—so now I sleep in hers. But maybe this summer she’ll let me go back with Mason and Melody.”

“Maybe.” A pang of sympathy smarted in my chest. It was understandable that Caroline had anxiety when it came to Juniper. “When my dad died, the three of us took turns staying at Mom’s house until she felt ready to be alone. It’s really nice of you to be a comfort to her.”

Her brow furrowed as she twisted, stretching her back. “How did Grandpa die?” She flinched. “You don’t have to answer. I don’t want you to have a panic attack.”

Like I had when talking about Lina.

“No, it’s okay. Talking about his death is easier since I wasn’t a part of it, I guess.” That pang bloomed into an ache. “He slipped coming out of their brownstone in the snow. Hit a patch of ice and broke his neck. He died instantly, which I’m thankful for, but it felt like a really stupid way to die when it happened.” Pointless, even.

“I’m sorry,” she said softly, then twisted to the other side. “Nothing genetic, though.”

“Just an accident.” I shook my head, and my stomach hollowed. She needed to be tested. Genetics and medical history were the least of what Juniper was owed, and we could only give her half of that without knowing who her father was.

“Back to camping,” Juniper said as we both settled in to stretch our calves.

“Bug spray and sunscreen?” My muscles screamed, but I kept my face flat. Too much time on pointe meant I was going to have to use the ball tonight to release the muscle.

“Absolutely, and you should bring a good sleeping bag, because it can get cold,” she added. “Oh, and lanterns are really good too. Cabin two is probably second best because it’s closest to the pavilion, so you can smell breakfast cooking in the morning.” Her eyes lit up, and I couldn’t help but smile. Her excitement was contagious. “Mom always makes me eggs in a basket, which are my favorite, and then usually packs a picnic lunch, too, since we don’t usually stay at the campsite all day.”

“What do you do?” I muscled back a grimace and started working the left.

“Hike. Zip-line. Rope swing into the deeper part of the lake—you’re going to love that.” She grinned.

“Ummm . . .” I pressed my lips between my teeth.

“Allie here isn’t what you’d call a risk-taker,” Hudson answered from the doorway.

My gaze flew to his. Man, he looked good. Really good. His hair was still wet, and his blue T-shirt stretched across muscles I hadn’t had nearly enough time to explore. Knowing I could if I wanted to yet choosing to abstain was a particular brand of torture.

“I’ll take you however I can get you.”

Yeah, those words had starred in some pretty detailed dreams this week.

“That’s not true,” I argued. “I take risks.”

“Says the woman who didn’t learn to ride a bike until sixteen.” When he’d taught me. He lifted a brow at me.

“Mom wasn’t keen on anything that could possibly lead to injury.” I stood and tried like hell to ignore the appreciation in Hudson’s gaze as it skimmed over my leggings and sports bra combo.

“Or fun,” he added. “Let’s see if I can remember correctly. No bikes, no scooters, definitely no motorcycles. No trampolines—”

“You remedied most of that, and if you had any idea how many kids are injured on trampolines, you wouldn’t fault her for that one.” I hadn’t caved on the motorcycle until I was seventeen.

Juniper traded her slippers for flip-flops and put the rest of her things in her bag.

“—no sports—” Hudson continued.

“I’d argue that ballet is a sport,” Juniper interjected, and I held up my hand. She high-fived it as she walked by, heading for Hudson.

“Oh, and definitely no boys.” He shook his head. “How does she feel about men when it comes to her daughters nowadays?”

“She trusts us to make our own choices.” I shrugged. “And I don’t tell her a lot. She knows about us, though.”

He tensed, and it must have been a lighting thing, because it looked like he paled a little too. “And how did she take that?”

“Like Mom.” There was no chance I was repeating her heinous remarks.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m worried about,” he said slowly, patting Juniper’s head as she walked out the studio doors.

“Relax.” A smile tugged at the edges of my mouth. “She’s not going to burst in here and throw you out or threaten to ground me for a million years. She made some snide comment like always and then dismissed it.” I walked his way. “I didn’t exactly tell her the truth, and I guess she figures we won’t last long enough to throw a fit over. Besides, she’s mostly still angry at me for blowing the Giselle performance and embarrassing her.” The admission slipped out. Shit, it was getting too easy to do that around him.

His brow knit. “Your Achilles snapped. How is that embarrassing to her?”

I tugged my bottom lip between my teeth and debated a flippant reply that would keep some emotional distance between us. But in this house, in this room, it was almost easy to forget the last decade had happened. He was just Hudson, the boy who’d pulled me out of the water and forced me out of my comfort zone, who’d given endless support without a single hint that he’d ever wanted more than my friendship.

“I’ve waited eleven years to kiss you.” I’d never had a clue.

Unless that’s what he’d wanted to talk about that night.

“Can you meet me at the cove tonight?” A younger version of Hudson’s voice slipped through my head, and I blinked at the patchy memory. Trying to remember that day felt like hiking in thick fog. Wisps of clarity came and went without ever getting a full picture. But I remembered he’d asked me to skip the end of the Company social—where contracts were ceremoniously awarded like trophies—to talk that night.

And I couldn’t remember why, but I knew I hadn’t showed. Lina and I had been on our way back from the social when she—

“Allie?” Hudson prompted, leaning into my space. “You okay?”

I blinked. My ankle, we’d been talking about my ankle. “I should have prevented it.” So much for a flippant reply. “I knew I needed to rest it, that the responsible move was to call in Charlotte and take the night—maybe the rest of that month—off. I ignored the signs and went on, anyway. I took a risk, lost my footing, and now I have to deal with the consequences.” I heard the front door open, then close. “Did Juniper just leave?” I started toward the doors.

“I have the keys, so at least she can’t drive off.” His hand brushed my lower back as we passed through the studio doors.

We walked into the foyer and my stomach hit the floor.

Juniper hadn’t left, and she wasn’t alone.

Eva stood just inside the door, her sunglasses perched on her head, a canvas bag over her shoulder as she stared down at Juniper in clear confusion.

“Aunt Allie, look!” Juniper beamed. “Aunt Eva’s here!”

Oh shit. Hudson’s hand flexed on my back.

“Aunt Eva?” Eva repeated, her gaze jumping to me, then toward the living room as Anne scurried in, tugging off her reading glasses. “I know you two have been here all summer, but one of you seriously had time to produce an entire kid?”

This was bad. So, so, so bad.