SWNOVELS When He Desires: Chapter 28
The kiss is nothing like that time I kissed her in her kitchen. That kiss was probing. Gentle. I wanted to ease her into it.
Now? I’m kissing her like I’m claiming her. Like I’m a predator, and she’s my prey. My lips crush against hers, devouring the breathless gasp she makes. Her fingers curl into my lapels.
Blake needs to understand that I’m done playing games as far as she’s concerned. I’ve spent the last week thinking about what I want and what I’m willing to do to get it, and in the process, I’ve realized a number of things.
When I was in New York—even when I thought I was on top of the world—there was an achy loneliness buried deep inside my chest.
The women I dated always had certain expectations.
I was Nero De Luca. The Messero consigliere. Powerful, dangerous, cunning.
I had a role to fill. A name to live up to.
Sometimes it felt like I was reduced to just the name and the reputation.
My impenetrable armor.
I’ve never let a woman see the man beneath.
But in Darkwater Hollow, everything is different. The pull of my old life is waning with each passing day, because being here no longer feels like being sentenced to death by slow-acting poison.
It’s starting to feel like the start of a new life.
My stepdad wouldn’t have approved, and that thought still stings. I loved that stubborn old man.
For Renzo, the mob was everything. There was no life outside it.
When he married my mom, he could have chosen to ignore me, but instead, he took me under his wing. The two of them were unable to have kids, but I was always Renzo’s boy.
He called me son. I called him dad.
He taught me how to be a protector and a provider—something my biological father never knew how to be. He taught me how to be a damn good mobster, the kind that rises through the ranks. He taught me the meaning of loyalty. He was the most loyal man I’d ever met.
To put all that aside, willingly, feels like a betrayal in some way, even if I’m here out of loyalty to Rafe. But if I want to adapt to my new environment, it’s what I have to do.
Can I do it?
I don’t know. Breaking some of my old habits has been difficult. But I’m going to keep trying, because I know one thing with absolute certainty.
I want Blake to be a part of this new life. Our relationship might be fake, but there’s never been anything fake about the way I’m drawn to her.
I want to make this woman mine. Even if it means I need to lock Nero away and never allow him to come out again. My past is darker than a moonless night, but what Blake doesn’t know can’t hurt her.
My tongue presses in, seeking entrance. She opens up for me and lets me probe her deeply. Her taste floods my senses. God, she’s so fucking sweet that I could live off kissing her alone.
Then I remember that son of a bitch is still watching us.
I pull away with a low snarl.
Blake blinks at me, looking dazed. Then she glances to the right. “He’s gone,” she whispers on an exhale.
She’s right. Brett left.
Good fucking riddance.
I found her here just in time to hear Brett saying what his family thought about their relationship.
That was bad enough, but what came next was even worse.
Is that the kind of bullshit he fed her all those years they were dating? Did he make her feel inferior to him?
She’s breathing hard, her chest rising and falling. Anxiety flashes in her eyes. “I’m not sure taunting Brett was a smart idea.”
“I’m not fucking sorry. He was touching you. He doesn’t get to fucking touch you, Sunshine.” If I’m locking Nero away, that means I probably shouldn’t kill the motherfucker. But I don’t need to go that far to get him to leave her alone.
If I need to sit at Frostbite all day and keep an eye on her when she goes back to work, so fucking be it.
Blake swallows. “You didn’t need to do that for the sake of the deal.”
I cup her cheek. “This isn’t about the deal.”
“What is it about, then?” Her voice is no more than a hoarse whisper, and she looks terrified all of a sudden, like she knows the next words out of my mouth are likely to send us right over the edge of a cliff.
I get it. Some part of me is scared too. But I’ve never let fear stop me from getting what I want.
“Every word he said to you was a lie. You’re so much better than him. You’re beautiful and kind and clever, and you deserve the entire fucking world, Sunshine.”
Her eyes start glistening. “Rowan…”
I brush her hair off her face. “I can be an asshole, and I can be a selfish prick, but even in my worst moments, I’d never tear you down like that.” I kiss her again. “I know my place, baby. It’s kneeling at your feet.”
She steps into me and presses her forehead against my chest, her body rattling with silent sobs.
I drag my palm over her back, trying to calm her. The auction’s started up again, and the hallway is abandoned, but it still doesn’t feel private enough. I don’t want anyone to watch us anymore. I just want to be alone with her.
A few moments pass before she glances up at me with eyes that glisten like cool lakes.
What does she see when she looks into my eyes? Dark, murky waters?
“Let’s get out of here,” she whispers.
I grab her hand and tug her to the coat check. Lottie’s voice echoes against the walls of the lobby as she calls out the bids, but when we step out through the main doors, everything quiets.
Thick snow shimmers in the air as we cross the parking lot toward my truck. I help her get inside and then stand there, my hand on the open door.
She stares at me, her nose tinged with pink and her lips slightly parted. My hand reaches out for her, needing to touch her, needing to make sure she’s not upset anymore. I drag my knuckles over her jaw before I brush the snowflakes from her hair.
She sucks in a shaky breath. “Would you have kissed me if Brett wasn’t there?”
I trace the curve of her cheek. “I spent all night wanting to kiss you.”
Her eyelashes flutter. “I don’t know what’s real with you and what’s pretend.”
I take her hand, slide it under my jacket, and lay it right over my pounding heart. “This is real.”
There’s awe in her eyes, but also fear. My thumb brushes over the racing pulse on the inside of her wrist.
I don’t want her to be scared. I want her to feel safe. Desired. Worshiped. I want to make sure she forgets every single word uttered tonight by her ex.
“We’ve got a fifteen-minute drive home,” I say in a low voice. “I’m going to spend those fifteen minutes thinking about all the ways I’m going to make you come tonight.”
Pink blooms over her cheeks.
“And I want you to think about why you might not let me do that. Make one of your lists on your phone. Make it thorough.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m going to work through each one of your objections. If we do this, I don’t want you to have a single hesitation. I want you all in. Deal?”
A beat passes. “Deal.”
We get on the road. The silence crackles with the tension that comes from both of us knowing I’m planning on tearing her clothes off as soon as we walk through the door. Blake’s profile is thoughtful when I glance at her, her mouth pursed into a determined line. She takes out her phone and starts typing something in.
Good girl.
And I do exactly what I told her I would. I think about how I’m going to bury my face between her legs and devour that pussy until my chin is dripping with her wetness. I think about how she’ll writhe beneath me as I fuck her nice and hard. I think about all the sounds she’s going to make for me—the whines and the moans and the cries.
Maybe I’ll have her sit on my face for a while. She’ll be shy at first, but then she’ll get into it. That’ll be fun.
We pull into the driveway and tumble out of the truck.
Inside the house, I press her back against the front door. Our mouths find each other, hungry and desperate. Her taste floods me with euphoria, no less potent than a drug.
The kiss is hot and needy and takes me to the edge of feral. Fuck, I want to be inside of her so badly. Instead, I work on retaining a small semblance of control.
She squirms against me, kissing me back with enthusiasm, oblivious to the battle raging inside my body. She wraps her arms around my neck, sliding her fingers into my hair. My body’s buzzing, and I’m just about to pick her up when she suddenly pulls away.
I let out a breath and press my forehead against hers.
Here we go.
“All right, give it to me. Objection number one.”
She pants against my lips. “It’ll complicate everything. I was just getting used to this. You’re starting to feel like my friend.”
I drag my tongue in a long line up her neck. “You do this with all your friends?”
She moans. “No.”
“We’re not going to be friends, Sunshine.”
“Del warned me about that.”
“What?” I ask, pressing kisses along her jaw.
“She said you’re not the kind of man who has female friends.” Her fingers tangle with my hair, and she tugs me away from her neck.
Our eyes meet. “What else did your friend say about me?”
“She said I should sleep with you.”
I smirk. “I like her.”
“I told her that was a bad idea.”
“Why’s that?”
“What if we do this, and I do something wrong—“
“That’s impossible.”
“And you decide you don’t want me here anymore.”
“Also impossible.”
“I have nowhere else to go, Rowan.” The words come out in a vulnerable burst.
My palm moves to cradle her cheek. “Good, because I have no intention of letting you go anywhere.”
She leans into my touch. “Is it stupid that I want to believe you so badly?”
“It’s not stupid, because I’m not lying. But I don’t blame you for being concerned. I get it. My history has always bothered you. But I’m not like your ex, Sunshine. “
Her throat bobs on a hard swallow. “No, you’re not.”
“I don’t stray, and I sure as fuck know a good thing when I find it.”
She considers me for a long moment, and then she leans away, as if getting settled in against the door at her back. She wraps her hands around my lapels and pulls me into her. My thigh presses between her legs. Her cheeks are flushed, and her eyes are hooded.
“Kiss me,” she whispers, and God, those are the sweetest words I’ve ever heard.
We kiss until we’re both panting.
We kiss until she’s grinding against my leg.
We kiss until I’m wrangling with her coat, desperate to get it off her.
I was afraid of stepping off the cliff, but now that I’ve done it, I realize I’m not falling.
I’m fucking flying.
Her coat puddles around her feet.
And I get down on my knees.