Bubble Gum Kisses

**Kapittel 25** ***Vanessa***

**Ever since the accident,** I've lost all my motivation and attempts to stick myself together, even going to school which meant a lot to me felt burdensome and tedious. I was like a vegetable, just laying on the hospital bed all day, not wanting to live anymore, and had the constant urge to hurt myself because of the guilt haunting me, eating me raw and alive. But thanks to mom, my friends, and my therapist, I was able to barely move on from the trauma though thinking dark thoughts was still unstoppable, especially when I get emotionally unstable and lose control of myself.

I then opened my eyes again, staring at my scratches and notes with millennia of thoughts buzzing in my head endlessly, feeling like a vegetable. Immobilized, blank, and unstable. What was I doing in this room? Why was I even studying? What for? I didn't deserve to live. I shouldn't be doing this. I should be dead! I shouldn't have worn that helmet, it was supposed to be for dad. He would still be alive if I didn't listen to him. Me breathing right now was a huge mistake. Me, an abomin―

*Ring!*

My thoughts were cut short when I heard my phone ringing for a call. I hastily grabbed my phone that was resting beside the lamp and checked who was calling. Seeing that it was Katherine asking for FaceTime, I tapped the answer button and Seandhe's face immediately showed up on the screen. Much to my surprise because I thought it was Katherine calling.

"Yo, Vaaan," he greeted, his forehead hovering over the screen that lit my mood up. Whenever he asked for a video call, he tended to pull the phone closer to his face which made the screen show his forehead down to his eyes or his entire face, as if it was his first time having a video call.

"How'd you get Katherine's phone? Shouldn't you call me using yours?" I asked, "And you're doing it again by the way," I then added.

Seandhe's thick, caterpillar-like brows went up then down as a laugh emerged from the speaker. "Sorry, just a habit," he said then slowly, the screen showed to be given a distance at an arm's length, now giving a view of his face down to his chest. "My phone went out of charge and little lover girl is busy with lover boy. I took advantage of their PDA and snatched her phone while they were busy cuddling."

I laughed, shaking my head. "The typical you." He tends to pull a scare on them by snatching either Katherine or Jay's phone while they were busy with themselves.

"Who's that?" a familiar voice went over the line. Seandhe's eyes averted from the camera to somewhere else before looking back again as he swerved, showing Nikki behind him and his twin, Harley who was busy skipping rope half-naked. Based on the ambiance and familiar interior in the area they were in, I figured they were in Jay's house, the backyard, particularly.

Nikki gasped out loud and shrieked excitedly, "My It Giiirl!"

My smile grew wider as I waved at her through the screen. "Hi." I missed these people.

"What're you screaming about?!" Harley shouted while doing his exercise. He usually does it after school anywhere. Even when we hang out, he never forgot about bringing extra clothes and towels so he could do some jogs and skips, and sometimes, he'd bring small gym equipment like barbels and the jumping rope he was using right now. Much to my wonder though, he never got fat or buff, he just remained skinny with his muscles defined under his skin. "It's Vannie!" Seandhe answered.

"Hi, Van!" I heard him shout again, his face never tilting, unmoved from its current position which I found amazing. He could be distracted by anyone but he always focused on his task, unlike me who could easily get distracted and end up finishing the task later than expected.

"How was your first day?" Nikki took her turn to ask, excitement was hovering over her tomato-red face. "Is it hard there? Are the profs there scary? Did anyone bully you? Were there any hotties? How 'bout their basketball and soccer team? I heard Trinity Knight's the sport and smarties powerhouse there and the school's jam-packed with handsome boys, even their nerds are. Is it true? Is it true?"

I laughed. "Hold your horses," I said, opening my lips and then closing them again before answering, "It was great, the teachers are nice, good at teaching, and no, no one bullied me. They're just regular high school students with rich parents." Most of the classmates I encountered today were nice and accommodating after knowing that I was new, considering Georgia and that Asher guy too. They even oriented me on several events that run in the school, advice like how to get higher grades, personal recommendation letters from the instructors for the university wished to apply to, easy access to exchange student programs, and the like. But it would never vanquish what I had seen in the book center's alley and the parking lot.

"How about the hotties?!" she asked mirthfully, like a child about to enter an amusement park she had been dying to go to. Nikki would date anyone who was hot in her judgment and would break up with them immediately if they weren't actually up to her standard. She had a list of exes way longer than the Columbia River.

"I don't know," I smirked.

"You!" she puffed her cheeks.

"All right, that's enough about the hot people and stuff," Seandhe said and the camera showed his face again, worry evident in his eyes. "Your eyes are red, Van. You sure you're okay?"

"Is it?" I asked and touched my face, rubbing my eyes with one hand. Did I cry?

"Wait, is it?" Nikki interrupted and the camera showed her face again, her brows kissing and eyes squinting as if she was speculating me through the camera carefully. "It is! Did someone make you cry?"

Harley suddenly stopped skipping on his rope and went over to them, entering the conversation, "Who made you cry, Vannie?! Is it those kids there?! I swear, I'll kick those rich kids' asses i-oomf-Sean! Give me the phone!" Seandhe asked, seeming to have raised the phone to a larger distance since I could the three of them fully in one frame. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing's wrong," I denied, shaking my head.

"Yeah, and I got impregnated by my sugar daddy." I saw Nikki roll her eyes. "You know you can't hide anything from is, right?"

"Ugh, fine." I groaned, giving up. I wasn't planning on telling them about what was bothering me but I was too tired of denying and hiding, not to mention my lurking dark thoughts. "Remember the guy I told you about a long time ago? My first heartbreak?"

"Oh, the Friso guy," Harley said, "What did he do to you?"

"Oof, I remember you said something about him constantly visiting or living in Scarsendale or something... wait!" Nikki trailed off then gasped. "He's still there?!"

"Yeah and he didn't do anything," I said. I had no choice but to them about my encounter with him from the very start when I slapped him in the grocery store to the part I had seen him having sex in the parking lot. I didn't tell them about my wee thoughts in the taxi since it scared me to worry them and make myself a burden.

"Damn, girl. Why does it look like your life's about to get harder?" Nikki asked as soon as I ended telling my story.

I shrugged and clicked my tongue. "I pray not."

"Face him," Seandhe interrupted. "Show him that you've moved on," he added while Harley nodded his head, agreeing to what his twin said who then continued, "I think that way, he's going to stop picking on you."

My lips curled up into a bittersweet smile as I let out a sigh before telling him, "I have though, long ago." Or so I thought.

"But based on how you acted? I think not." Nikki's words struck me hard. To add insult to injury, Seandhe added. "And he's a dick acting and talking to you as if you're a slut."

"You know that's not true," I said, remembering the time I told them about the part about me suddenly becoming the center of attention after false rumors of me were spread by a certain person. Not that I care anymore but, it held a crucial role in breaking my relationship with Friso.

"We know."

"But he doesn't."

"Then why not tell him?"

"I think that wouldn't mend our relationship at all."

"But what if it does?"

I sighed for the nth time. Seandhe really knew how to hit points. I did try explaining to Friso before though he avoided me. I thought later on that explaining wouldn't do any good or even give a small help patching things up. I couldn't help myself but sigh once again, I hated worrying about personal stuff like this.

"I don't know."

"Then we won't know if there's going to be either a positive or negative outcome. What if it will turn out positive?"

"What if it will turn out negative?" I asked before combing my hair with my fingers, looking at my blonde tresses, and looking at my phone again."

"But you know what, Seandhe?"

"What?" he asked.

"You're somehow kind of everyone's queer friend?"

"Shut up."

"Anyway, I need to go. I need to finish my assignment," I said and showed them my dirty desk before saying, "I gotta go, bye!" then I hung up before they could say anything more.

I set my phone down on the farthest side of the desk where I couldn't see it clearly. Looking down on my messy scratches, I couldn't think of anything but the conversation we had earlier, finding it somehow that Seandhe was right. He was right. I should show Friso. Maybe I should tell Friso the truth about everything, even if he wouldn't believe me in the end and besides, at least I could get these gurgling feelings out of my chest. But not right now. Not yet. I would tell him soon when I was ready.

***"It's all your fault."***

*Dad?*

*I opened my eyes and gasped at the sight before me. It was raining, the same as that day. I was in the same spot I remembered before passing out. The right side of my face was lying on the ground, forcefully facing Dad's bleeding head, much to my torture. Everything was wet, saturated by heavily coursing rain, dripping small drops mixing with the blood flowing both from dad and me. Everything was dark and I can barely see a thing clearly, the wind howling endlessly sent cold shivers to my body.*

*I panicked and tried to move my body but I felt heavy, my body was aching all over, even a muscle was so heavy to pull, and my desperation wasn't even a bit of help. It was making me feel worse.*

*"Da... Da..." I tried to speak, but even my lips were heavy. I wanted to call him, tell him I'm sorry.*

*"You didn't do anything," I heard dad's voice say, merely a small whisper but loud enough to hear. I felt upset, guilty, and helpless.*

*I'm so sorry, Dad.*

*Suddenly, his bloodied head turned 360 and was now facing me. He glared at me with his bloodshot eyes and spoke as thick, crimson blood surged out from his purple lips, his voice blood-curdling. "It's your fault!"* "Dad!"

**

Thank you for reading Bubble Gum Kisses! To keep up with my works, future works, and endless frustrations on Twitter: https://twitter.org/RiosMorpheus**