What Lies Beneath

I was completely on top of Landon when I woke up. I'd slept restlessly for most of the night, only finding peace when I rolled over onto him. I woke up to Landon running his hand up and down my back, and his gaze focused on the ceiling.

My eyes flickered up to watch him. "Why did you let me sleep so late?"

His hand kept moving, and he didn't look at me. "You were shot, love. You needed rest. And don't bother getting pissed at me because I don't feel guilty."

I pressed my lips to his chest, and his eyes closed as he sighed in what looked like frustration. His hand paused at my hip as he drew in a few breaths. "I'm not mad," I said softly.

His eyes remained closed, but his hand moved again. "Good."

I smiled, but he couldn't see it. "Every time you open your mouth, your tone is like you've been wronged by whoever was talking to you. Like you assume I'm trying to upset you."

"Four lifetimes of anger, baby. It leaves a scar..." His hand was at my hip, and it slipped under my shirt. Fingertips traveled up my bare back, and I tried not to let my breath hitch at the contact or the coolness. He got to my shoulder blade, and my nails bit at his skin.

"What are you trying to do here?"

He opened his eyes and looked down. "I just wanna remember."

"Remember what?"

A pause. "This. What you feel like lying on me, and the rush of your skin. How raspy your voice is when you just wake up."

I laid my cheek on him. "You wouldn't need to remember if you kicked this stupid suicide thing. You could have a lot more time to have me on you. Or you on me if you prefer."

He almost laughed. "You keep assuming this is personal."

"How can it not be? Don't tell me you love me and in the same breath tell me how it's not enough. It's the most personal thing in the whole world. You don't love me more than you hate yourself, and that breaks my heart for a million reasons."

He said my name, but he stopped talking when I sat up on him. His hand broke away, and I crossed my arms, straddling him and pouting at the same time.

I stared down at him. "I hate you a little for telling me you loved me. If you didn't, then I wouldn't know I loved you either. I wouldn't know you were going to go out like a little bitch and kill yourself. I would have been fine. You went and fucked this whole thing up. I get that what happened to you was horrific, and I get that you need to kill the people responsible, but there's no reason for you to die. Not anymore. You were alone for a long time, and I know that can make a person crazy. But you're not alone anymore. You could have a family, people that love you. You're choosing to not take that path. You could have reason and purpose, and instead, you're choosing to throw that away for the both of us." I got off him and started walking to the bathroom. "And I changed my mind. I am mad."

I showered until I couldn't smell Landon on me anymore. I needed to forget for a few minutes that he existed. Fury was making my hands shake. Maybe he just thought I couldn't help him. He's broken, and all I want is to put him back together. If only that was how it worked.

After I got out, I wrapped up in a towel and walked back out. As I was shoving my old clothes into my bag, I noticed Landon looking sideways at me.

I huffed. "You've seen me naked before. Is this really offensive?"

"I didn't say it was."

"Is there something you'd like to say?"

It was only a few seconds later when Landon had me by the hips and picked me up. He sat me on the dresser. I crossed my arms and glared at him as he spoke. "You're angry with me for wanting to die?"

"Yes," I said, even though it sounded selfish. "I love you, dummy. I don't want you to die. I want you to live forever, and when I grow up I want to make a bunch of unholy little blond vampire babies with you." Even more at the moment, since he was only in jeans and an unbuttoned shirt.

He smiled and tugged at the bottom of my towel. "You wanna make babies with me?"

I looked away. "Maybe..." My face was on fire.

Lips were pressing to my throat, and hands were gripping my hips. My eyes closed as his mouth moved to the top of my chest.

"Don't do it if you don't mean it," I warned.

"Do what?"

"Kiss me like this. Don't make this worse before you go. The point is that I'm supposed to move on, right? So maybe you shouldn't do this. How am I supposed to deal with it when I'm kissing someone else one day, and all I can think about is you?" I knew it wouldn't be an issue. I couldn't see anyone but him.

Landon froze, and his hands gripped me tight enough to hurt. I watched his eyes as he thought. "Don't be mad at me."

I tilted my head back, and it touched the wall. "Doesn't work like that."

He picked me up again and laid me on the bed. He was on top of me, but his arms held him at a distance. "If I do this for you, will you still hate me?"

I smiled, but it wasn't happy. "You think sex is gonna fix this?"

He started pulling my towel apart. "It's what you want." Then I was just lying on a towel, and Landon's hand was slowly traveling down me. "If we do this, maybe it can make it easier on us both." His mouth went back to my chest, but I wasn't enjoying it that much.

This wasn't right. He wouldn't do this if he knew he was leaving. Something was wrong in his head. Or he was losing it.

I sighed, and my fingers went to his hair. "What would be easier would be if you'd just stay a while. I'm not asking for forever."

He was willfully ignoring me. His mouth was moving against me, and his hand was drifting between my legs.

And I started crying.

Landon moved off me in half a second, and I sat up. "What did I do?" he asked.

I wrapped myself back up in my towel. "Take a guess. Sex won't make this better. It'll only make it harder when you ditch me. I don't want the reminder of what I'm missing. So this ends here." I stood up. "No more kissing. No touching. No more saying I love you. We're working together, and that's all. We're nothing to each other from now on. Do you understand?"

He stared at me, and I couldn't read him. His face was somehow paler, and his eyes weren't focusing. He opened his mouth, but I was back in the bathroom before he could say a word.

It felt awful, but this might be the only way I could deal. I needed to start breaking away now. Maybe, if I was very lucky, it could jump start something in him. I could live without him in my life if I had to. But him dead... I didn't know about that one.

I came back out of the bathroom in jeans and a shirt. No more trying to tempt him to the dark side. Landon was ready to go already, and his eyes stayed on the carpet.

"We leaving?" I asked.

"We both need blood first."

I breathed out of my nose. "You made me drink a ton last night."

"And you're drinking more now. Lie down," he ordered me.

I walked up to the dresser and hopped up. "We can't do it like that anymore."

He looked up. "Really?"

"Really. I feel like you lying on me while we exchange fluids is a bit intimate for a work partnership. This or nothing."

He was looking at me in a dangerous way. One that said far too much to me. He was upset, but his eyes had restrained affection in them. Torture and loss.

"Don't look at me like that," I said harshly.

He played dumb. "Like what?"

My fists clenched at my lap. "That's not a coworker look."

"I'm not your "

"You are now. You could have been everything, and you picked nothing. This is what that is."

With clear annoyance on his face, he stood in front of me. He pushed my hair over my shoulder, and I moved my head for him. He bit me, and his hands were on the wood on either side of me. He was careful to not make this feel as it had before. It didn't feel special, or intimate. It felt cold. For the first time, it felt like I was only feeding him.

When he was done, he forced his bleeding wrist into my face. I drank, even though I would have rather done anything else. I felt healed, so I didn't think I actually needed this. I still didn't question it.

Once it was over, I stayed on the dresser, feeling icky all over. "Where are we going?"

Landon went to his bag and pulled out a notebook. My notebook. "Hey! You went through my stuff!"

He didn't explain. "I was looking through the addresses. A few of them are homes that I know Knox owns. Two of them in the same state. One in New York. I doubt Jaxon is there, but we can check the other two homes. If we find Knox, we can find Jaxon."

I nodded. "He's a vampire now. Don't you think he might just wanna sell him?"

"I don't know. They were torturing and healing him. I don't have a clue what Knox's intentions were. It doesn't give me any theories as to why he wasn't there for it. You'd think he would want to play. If that's what this is about, he should have been more involved."

"So what do you think it's about?"

He closed the book and put it away. "I think he wanted to shake you. He probably intended on selling Jaxon off, after a few weeks of play. You'd never know, and the problem would be solved."

So that meant we were probably on a time limit. If he was sold, we would have to try and track him through paperwork. I asked if that was actually possible.

"Could be," Landon said. "At my auction, we had records. Our names were read, and any magic we had. It's safe to assume that they would still do that. This is the same branch of the trade that I was in, so I don't see why they wouldn't." I hopped off the dresser. "I guess we should leave then." I grabbed my bag, walked to the door and paused to open it.

Landon put his hand on my back, as he normally did when we walked. Only this time, I shook him off.

He pulled the strap of my bag off my shoulder and dropped it on the ground. He crowded me, and I walked backward until I was out of room and against the wall. "Mila," he said carefully. "I respect what you said to me, but it changes nothing. I said that you were mine until you weren't. So I'll protect you, I'll look at you the way I look at you. And if you do something that is overwhelmingly you, I can't promise that I won't kiss you."

"You need to promise."

He shook his head. "You know that's not how this works. I know this is hard for you, but it's hard for me too."

I bit my lip hard enough to taste blood. It did nothing for my control. "How can you say that? You're not the one who's getting their choice taken away. You don't get to be upset about a problem that you are entirely responsible for." "You're acting like I'd rather be dead than be with you."

"Well, you're planning on killing yourself, so..."

"Have you even been listening? I'm leaving you because it's the best thing for you. And I've been planning the rest since almost two hundred years before you were born."

"Things are different now, and you know it. Everything in your life is different, but you won't reconsider your options."

"You think I haven't done that a thousand times?" he asked, raising his voice. "I have. I've thought about a dozen ways I could do this. That I could spend your human life with you, and then end it all. Or I could turn you now, and just keep you forever. That maybe I could try and do the right thing, and find a way to live through it. The fact is that you can't have me in your life. It's poison for you. So my only option is to leave you. If I don't end my life, then one day, I'll feel yours end. There is no way I'll survive it. Another option was leaving, but checking up on you every so often. But then I thought about the day I'd find you engaged, or married, or pregnant. And I had the most vivid of daydreams about murdering a man that didn't even exist yet. I truly believe that would happen. You'd be happy, in the life you should have, and what I really am would come through. I'd kill your husband, and I wouldn't be able to undo it. I'd ruin your life. So I'm taking the only option that works for me."

"But not me," I said without hesitation. "You've gone through everything that could work for you, and you didn't think of me at all. You've decided I was better without you, and that isn't up to you."

I walked out of the room, not bothering to get my bag. I got down to the van and sat in the passenger seat. It took ten minutes for Landon to come out. He put our bags away and got in. He started driving without saying a word.

****

We managed to get breakfast, lunch, and a nine-hour drive in without saying a word to each other. It was uncomfortable, and I wanted to say something, but I was at a loss. I put up a wall that he was flat-out ignoring. I wasn't even angry; I was just scared. We'd spent every second of every day together for almost two weeks. One day soon, he would just be gone. Would I go into shock? My systems would short circuit, and I didn't know what I would be like when I came out of it. After it was too late to keep going, we found a hotel. I went with Landon as he checked us in.

"Two rooms," I said.

He stared at me. "No."

My arms crossed. "It's inappropriate to share a room."

"It was also inappropriate when I was inside of you, but you didn't complain."

I blushed and looked around the lobby, making sure no one heard him. "No, I didn't, you dick. You know why, so don't throw it back in my face."

He shrugged. "Just saying."

"What are you trying to do here? You won't touch me when I want it, but the second I say no more, you turn it up to eleven? You just want what you can't have? Newsflash, dumbass, you can have it. Whenever and however you want it for the rest of our lives. But you need to give a little back."

He brushed past me and went to the counter. A man was behind it. His hair was in a ponytail, and he had a mustache that was two long strips hanging down. "Sup," the man said. His nametag said Keith. "Wanna sleep in hee ere tonights?" Christ... he was wasted out of his mind. Proved when he pulled out a flask and took a drink. He wiped his mouth and groaned loudly. "MMMM!"

"One room, please," Landon said. "King-size bed."

I smacked his arm. "Two beds."

"Not a chance."

Keith was humming while he typed on the computer. He poked at the letters with one finger and was mumbling about lobsters and kittens. Why the hell was he allowed to work the desk?

"You two crazy kids wanna honeymoons suite?" he asked.

"Sure," Landon said as I said no. He pulled out a wad of cash from his bag and handed it over. Keith happily took it and typed some more.

I spoke through my teeth. "I'm going to kill you, Landon."

He smirked. "Already dead, darlin'," he whispered.

"Bet me."

The transaction was made, and we headed up. And I wanted to kill him twice.

Everything was red and heart-shaped but the bed. That was covered in roses. There were chocolates and bubbles in champagne-shaped bottles, and the damn tub was a heart. I punched Landon in the arm before I went to change. I was back out, and he was lounging in bed, mostly naked with his arms behind his head and a smile on his face.

"You're being a jerk," I said. "A cruel one."

“And you're being a brat. So I guess we're even. Get into bed, and if you're a very good girl, I'll make sure you fall asleep happy."

I knew what he was doing. He was trying to get me back to the way I was. But if I did go back, this would end. He wouldn't want to touch me, and he would go right back to brooding.

I grabbed the chocolate and got into bed, as far from him as I could. I didn't offer him any, and he started throwing rose petals at me. I ignored them and stared at the wall.

"I bet if I got under these covers and you lie down, I could put you in a better mood," he smirked.

"I don't want you between my legs, believe it or not. You're being mean." I popped another chocolate in my mouth. Orange filling. Disgusting. I spit it into the trash.

Landon swung my legs around and pulled them to his lap. "Mila, you need to stop taking everything so personally."

"Okay, so you don't really want to sleep with me?"

He sighed. "I want you to stop pouting."

"Sorry, basket case. Not happening."

"Does that mean we're not cuddling tonight?"

"No."

He took a chocolate from me. "If I met you when I was human, so many things would have been different."

I took the bait. "How?"

He looked up, thoughtfully. "I would have married you. I'd have gotten a job and bought us a little house. And we would have had half-a-dozen kids. My mother would have hated you, but my father would have loved you." He smiled to himself. "He liked girls with pluck. Like my mother. She resented that in herself."

I rested the side of my head against the backboard. "What happened to them?"

"My mother got sick when I was sixteen. It was almost four centuries ago, mind you. So many things were a death sentence. Even the flu. I lost my father about a year later. He was killed over I know not what. I got their home and what money they had, but I didn't want it. I just wanted them. I was all alone. That was when I started wandering. Six years before I met Mercy."

"What did you do?"

He laughed. "Nothing at all. I drank a bit. Wandered all over England. There was nothing for me there. Anywhere."

I leaned over him to put the chocolates down. "Fine," I huffed. "We can cuddle. If you try any funny business, you're in trouble."

He grinned. "Will you let me finish you off first?"

"You're a pig."

"Not an answer."

I laid my head on a pillow. "I won't let you. Just behave because I know you don't really want to fool around. You'll hate yourself after."

"And you'll be a happy pile of mush after."

I rolled my eyes. "You're too cocky. It makes me think you're over compensating."

He shut the light off and lay beside me, forcibly spooning me. "I wouldn't have as much confidence in myself if I hadn't heard and seen firsthand how much you enjoyed my talents. Lots of new things that I seemed to be good at." "Huh?" What the fuck was new?

"Never mind. Just go to sleep."

I did.