What Lies Beneath

There was pain. Not a lot, but enough. It woke me up. My eyes opened, and they fixed on the ceiling.

"Mila," Landon said in a raspy voice. It would be, with all the screaming he'd done. When I looked at him, there was worry and fear in his eyes. His foot was violently tapping the floor.

I went to sit up, and he held my shoulders down. "Not yet."

My eyes started pouring tears immediately. "I told you to help him. Why didn't you do it?"

The sympathy in his eyes made me realize in a second how stupid a question that was. He didn't know my brother, and he loved me. He watched my brother die, because that was the choice he had to make. Save him, or save me. He'd chosen wrong.

His hand cradled the side of my head. "I wasn't going to watch you die, Mila. Please don't hate me for that."

I started sobbing at the loss. Everyone in this world who had shared my blood had been ended with a bullet. Everyone but me. Why was I the one to live through this?

Landon got onto the bed very carefully. He sat up on his knees, and my head touched his stomach. My hands were fists at his sides, clutching the last person I had. The one that was supposed to leave me today.

"You need more blood," Landon told me.

"I don't want it."

"I don't care."

I was angry, and I knew I didn't have any right to be. I would have made the same choice if it had been me. Stranger... or the man I was in love with? It wasn't a contest. But Jaxon wasn't a stranger to me. He was my brother. My father. My very best friend. And now he was just nothing.

I sat with my back against the bed. Focused on nothing, just seeing Jaxon's eyes in my head. It played over and over. Watching fear turn into nothing at all. Watching him die. How was I supposed to go on? "Talk to me," Landon begged. "Say something so that I know you don't hate me."

"What am I supposed to say?"

He sat down by my feet and shrugged. "I don't know. And I know that you probably do hate me. But I couldn't let you die."

"No. I have to be alive so that I can be all alone. Were you just waiting for me to wake up to take off? Or did you need me to tell you where the new book is? It's in my bag, by the way. You can take it and go."

His eyes went to the bed, and he was quiet. I noticed in those few seconds that I was in new clothes. Landon must have changed me when I was out. I was in a bed that was the only one in the hotel room. He wasn't even staying the night. "I'm not going yet,” he finally said.

I looked at him weakly. "Why? Jaxon is dead. Your five days are up. We made a deal."

He almost smiled, and I wanted nothing more than to kill him. "Oh, well, I have good news for you, darlin'. Relative."

"What the fuck could that possibly be?"

"He was on vampire blood, remember? He died, but he's not dead anymore."

My mind was in a mad scramble as it put pieces together. I was still in pain, and my head was swimming, but I got there. "He's a vampire?"

"He is. Not a great choice, but it's better than dead."

So much better than dead. He was probably scared and traumatized, but that didn't matter so much. I could help him through it. We could still be a family. I just needed to find him.

"How do I take care of him?" I asked. "Is he going to need time to get control over his blood-drinking stuff? Or not being able to go out in the sun? Does he need to figure out how to deal with his new senses? I don't know how to do this." He smiled and covered my hand with his. "Calm down. It'll be fine. With time, everything is easy. Most of it is just natural. Some you do need to work on. Like controlling how much you take, and knowing how much blood they would have to lose before dying. And how to take it subtly. I'm not so good at that. I leave a town before I can get hunted down with pitchforks." He paused. "Please, will you take more blood? It'll take another hour for you to heal if you don't." He wasn't about to drop it, and I needed to be strong if I had a fight ahead of me. How I was going to survive, I didn't know. I'd figure it out along the way. "Fine."

Landon moved so that he was behind me. He was careful again as he sat me on his lap, sideways. He bit his wrist and held it to my mouth again.

I did not enjoy drinking blood, but it wasn't as unpleasant as it had been that first time. It tasted just a little bit sweeter, and I assumed it was because of the Link. It was supposed to taste better for both parties. It was hardly any of my concern, since this was the last time I was getting his blood.

Once he was happy with how much I drank, he sealed up his own wound and then pulled my shirt up. I literally watched the little red wound seal up and turn back to perfectly smooth skin. "Freaky." I decided.

"You get used to it." He put my shirt back down and laid me beside him. But I was fine. I didn't need rest anymore; I needed to find my brother.

"Where are you going?" Landon said as he blocked me from getting off the bed.

"I'm getting Jaxon."

He made me settle down. "It's two in the morning. You're not going anywhere."

"I have to find him. He needs me."

"You need to rest for the night. You're healed, but it's not enough."

I sighed loudly. "Why didn't you go after him anyway? Shouldn't the blood of yours I still had in me work to heal me? It might have been slow, but it-"

"It might not have worked. You're my Familiar, but you're human, and that makes it all iffy at best. My blood lingers in you longer when I feed it to you, and you'll always have a little of me in you, no matter what."

I smirked. "So much I could do with that."

"Funny. Anyway, in theory, if you died in a decade, there's a microscopic chance that my blood would bring you back. Only if there was a strong enough trace for it to take over and heal what killed you. A one-in-a-million shot. If you died today, you would have most likely become a vampire. But that wasn't a guarantee, and I wasn't about to risk it. Or risk the lingering blood healing you. So yes, there was a chance you could have made it out human, and I didn't give a damn. I wouldn't have taken the chance no matter what."

I was still angry, but I was calming down just a bit. I still wished he'd gone after my brother, but I'd waste energy on waiting around for Landon to care.

I wiped another tear away. "How is he ever going to forgive me?"

Landon caught the next tear with his thumb. "You're practically his daughter. He'd forgive you for anything you could ever do."

"I got him tortured, killed, and he doesn't know if I'm alive or dead. He shouldn't forgive me."

He smiled. "Funny thing about love. It doesn't require rationality or conditions. I don't doubt for a moment that he has not only absolved you of your sins, but I don't think he has thought of blaming you at all." "I don't know if I want absolution. Not for this."

His thumb brushed my cheek, and his fingers curled around the back of my neck. "That doesn't matter at all."

I scooted closer to him and laid my head on his chest. His arm went around me, and he didn't get mad about the tear stains on his shirt. "I keep fucking things up. I don't know how to do this." "What don't you know how to do?"

I took a moment. "Life. I don't know how I'm supposed to live without screwing up everyone around me. I steal, and I lie. I hurt people so that I can get along. What kind of existence is that?"

He lightly brushed his fingertips on my hip. "Better than a life dedicated to revenge on people who don't remember the sin."

"You have purpose. A goal. I have nothing. I'm drifting through life, and it doesn't matter. My time here means nothing." "Does anybody's?"

I tilted my head up. "Yeah, I think so. We're just doing it wrong."

He took a few breaths. "I don't know how to do it right. Do you?"

I shook my head and put my hand over his still heart. "I think Jaxon was doing it better. At least he had reason. He raised me."

Landon gave a small smile. "Sounds like a good purpose to me."

When I tried to sit up again, Landon protested. I ignored him triumphantly. "I need to leave. I have to find him before Knox gets him back. If he was being tortured, God knows what else he has planned." "Mila," Landon said slowly, "We'll find him, but you need to rest for the night."

I blinked. "We?"

He tried so hard not to smile. "I broke our verbal contract. I didn't save your brother. Therefore, my out is null and void. I have to stay until we find your brother. However long that may be."

It was such a stretch, but I saw what he was doing. He'd picked an aspect of one deal and mixed it with another, giving a flimsy excuse to stay. But that didn't matter. He was staying to help me.

I moved forward, tightly wrapping my arms around him. "Thank you so much." I pressed my lips against his shoulder. "I love you."

He didn't say it back.

He held me until I didn't need to be held anymore. I was stuck here until he decided that I could go. If I tried sneaking out, he would only track me down. Familiar curse, he could track me anywhere. He would only bring me back and force me to sleep. I had to give in. Landon got up and went to the window.

I changed into the sweater of his that I'd stolen, along with some sleep shorts. I got under the covers and watched Landon as he looked out the window.

"So... one bed..." I may as well just pounce on him.

He looked back. "Oh..." He acted like he'd just noticed. "...yeah, I guess there is."

My eyebrows went up. "Are we playing this game?"

He smiled as he turned before leaning against the wall and crossing his arms. "What game?"

"Just get into bed."

His smile turned to a grin. "I like it when you tell me what to do."

"I noticed. Get in bed," I repeated with a dramatically stern voice.

He hesitated. "Maybe I should get my own room."

"Don't you dare." My arms crossed. "Are you worried I'll take advantage of you?"

He took a step, but paused again. "I'm actually quite worried that I might take advantage of you."

I was smiling then. "I'm not worried at all."

"I bet."

Time to lay down the law. "Get in bed, or I leave and take the van with me."

I won, and Landon started undressing. I shamelessly watched him, and he shamelessly smiled arrogantly the whole time. Once he was down to his boxer-briefs, he shut the lights out and got into bed with me.

He stayed sitting up. "Really, we need to be good."

Oh, sure, let's pretend I'm the troublemaker here. Maybe it's fair, since I pretty much started our previous night of tomfoolery. Still, I should teach him a lesson.

I got onto his lap and purposely rubbed up against him. "Whatever do you mean?"

He looked at me as if I was a child who was misbehaving. "Mila, can't we be adults about this?"

My hands went to his shoulders and dragged down his chest, because no, we could not be adults about this. "You're the one who picked a room with one bed, honey. You had to have a reason."

He brought it all down in one sentence. "Because I have a limited number of nights with you, and I want us to be close."

I dropped my hands to my lap. "This isn't fair. None of it.”

He smiled softly. "What's not fair?"

"It's not fair that I want to keep you, and you want to die. That after we get my brother, you're going to take off, and I'll never see you again. And it's not fair that I don't know how to get you to stay. That I'll get Jaxon back, but the cost is you.

It's not fair that I accidentally fell in love with someone so lost that they can't see a damn thing with clarity. And it's not fair that I wanna kiss you goodnight, and you'll probably push me away and tell me again that this won't work. That I want to keep waking up with you and I have to make it through a whole meaningless lifetime without it."

Landon's hands found my hips. "You'll find a good man one day. He'll love you better than I can. He'll give you children and stability, and he'll take care of you."

I didn't want that. "I want you, stupid. I want to spend my life with you."

His smile was miserable. "You don't know what you'll want in a decade. Two."

"Maybe not, but I know what I want now. I know I'll lose you, and it'll wreck me, because I will have haunting thoughts, wondering if you're still alive somewhere. And I won't know if I'm right or not."

He'd ignored every god-dammed word I'd said, and he tugged on my sweater with a smile he obviously tried making look genuine.

I looked down. "What of it?"

"You're doing a very poor job of trying not to tempt me."

"Who says I'm trying not to tempt you?"

He eyed me with irritation. "It's already difficult. Please don't make it harder."

"Oh, I can take it off if you want. I'm naked under it but "I started pulling it up, and Landon caught my wrists. I stopped trying. "Killjoy."

"Sharing a bed is already going to be a bad idea."

"Why? Just cuz we've gotten up close and personal with each other's junk? No big deal. What's a hand job between friends?"

He smiled, and it finally seemed happy. "I went down on you too. Don't forget about that."

My eyes got distant, and my voice was longing. "I won't ever forget that. You're responsible for the first three orgasms of my life. That's a special bond."

"First?"

I blushed. "Opportunity doesn't strike often..."

His hands moved around on my hips. "Well, something to remember me by."

I sighed. "I could give you something to remember me by, if you'd let me. And before you give me some medieval speech about being a good man and not taking advantage or whatever, I'd like to say that I would prefer my first," and only, "to be the person I'm in love with. Don't you want to be with me?"

I wasn't playing fair, but I wasn't one to play fair.

"I do," he said.

I scooted back on him, seeing how far I could get. I lowered myself down, putting my lips on his chest. He didn't stop me. In fact, he didn't stop me until I got to his happy trail.

"Mila," he said in a scolding tone.

I lay on him, putting my chin on my arms on his stomach. "Yes?"

"No," he said sternly.

"What if I said pretty please?"

"Still a no."

I rolled my eyes. Damn boy and his damn chivalry.

Landon just watched me for a couple minutes. He curled my hair around his finger, and I tried not to think about how much longer we had. Would he be dead in a year? Six months? I'd never know. At least he could feel if I died. Another thing that wasn't fair.

A tear hit his stomach, and I tried to hide that I was crying. I didn't stand a chance. Landon pulled me up to his chest. He laid me on the bed, facing him.

"Go to sleep, Mila."

I shook my head.

"Please."

"No."

He pulled the blanket up and over me. He was covered too. "It would be wrong of me."

"I don't care."

"You will."

"Go to sleep."

"Don't make me."

He used his index finger and his thumb to tilt my chin up. He leaned down, just enough to press his lips to mine. It wasn't as small a kiss as I was sure he was hoping for, but I needed to take what I could get. I caught his upper lip between mine, and he let me.

He kissed me for about a minute before he pulled away. "Goodnight, Mila."

And that was it. I turned around, and he put his arm around me. Then I watched the wall and listened to him breathe, trying to fall asleep. How could he expect me to? My brother was in danger, and my friend wanted to kill himself. There would be no sleep tonight.